three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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