Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
