I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
