8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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