Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
