I want to have your abortion
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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