Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
