hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
