when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
