I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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