I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
