yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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