Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
