does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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