This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
