I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
