She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
