Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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