It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize