You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well I just put wine in my tea
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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