I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
