I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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