Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
