she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
