dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
