PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
