I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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