I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
NoShamevember. You game?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
