mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
