does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
