I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize