My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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