I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
