I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
