They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
