dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
