Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
