I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
