I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
