Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
