I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
