Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
