Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
