question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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