i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
