Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
