he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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