Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
