I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize