so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
