We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
