Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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