I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
