whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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