So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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