Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
