just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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