The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
