Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
