he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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