So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
