Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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