yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
