AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
