i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
