I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
