Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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