I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My life is pants optional.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
