That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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