I feel like I'm in dance class right now
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
