Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
